Filipinos have earned the title “Happiest People in the World”, and for good reason. We, Filipinos, love to keep things light — even though we might be going through the hardest life challenges. The beautiful people of the Philippines do their best to smile through almost anything. So it’s no surprise that the Filipinos have a ton of classic jokes. If you are a Filipino who has been born and raised in the sunny country of the Philippines, there’s a good chance you’ve heard these jokes from one of your uncles. Even though we have heard these jokes one too many times, we just can’t help the grin that comes up our faces when we hear it again.
So here’s a list of Filipino’s classic jokes:
Bitoy and Dagul
Bitoy: Bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
Bitoy: Anong koneksyon noon?
Dagul: Duh! Wala ngang nagpalaki sakin!
This joke never gets old. It is never not funny, right? For our non – Filipino readers, let me translate this for you.
Bitoy: Why are you so stout?
Dagul: I have been an orphan ever since I was little.
Bitoy: How is that connected?
Dagul: Duh! No one helped raise me!
Couple in the hotel
Mrs: *nasa hotel intercom nakikipag usap sa receptionist* Hello? Please send a maintenance personnel! Ang mister ko tatalon sa bintana!
Receptionist: Ma’am, bakit po maintenance? Papadala nalang po kami ng security staff namin.
Mrs: Eh ayaw mabuksan ng bintana!
This joke can get married couples crying from laughter. I mean, as much as we love our spouses, there are days we want them to just jump off our bedroom window. For our non – Filipino readers, we’ll let you in on the joke.
Mrs: * in the hotel room on the hotel’s intercom talking with the receptionist* Hello? Please send maintenance personnel! My husbands about to jump off the window!
Receptionist: Ma’am, why do you need the maintenance personnel? We can send our security staff instead.
Mrs: I need maintenance staff because he can’t open the window!
Husband comes home drunk
Mrs: Oh, ba’t ngayon ka lang?
Mr: Pasensiya na, nagyaya mga officemates ko. Nagkainuman lang. *burps*
Mrs: Lasing ka ‘noh?
Mr: Ako? Lasing? Hindi ah! *burps*
Mrs: Anong hindi? Wala ka ngang trabaho, pano ka nagka officemates?!
Very relatable to Filipino wives, this joke never fails to get them laughing. For our non – Filipino readers, here’s what the joke means.
Mrs: Why did you just get home?
Mr: I’m so sorry. My officemates invited me to go out and we had a couple of drinks. *burps*
Mrs: You’re drunk, aren’t you?
Mr: Me? Drunk? No! Of course not! *burps*
Mrs: What do you mean “no”? You don’t even have a job, how do you have officemates?!
Being a daddy
Mrs: Love, magiging tatlo na tayo dito sa bahay.
Mr: Talaga? Magiging daddy na ba ako, love?
Mrs: Ay, hindi, love. Titira na si Mama dito satin.
Are you afraid of your in-laws? This joke will get you laughing! For non – Filipino readers, here’s what this joke means.
Mrs: Love, we’re going to be three people living in this house.
Mr: Really? Am I going to be a daddy, love?
Mrs: Oh, no, love. My mom’s going to come and live with us.
An employee desperate for a promotion
Employee: Boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun sa pwesto ng manager natin na kamamatay lang?
Boss: Ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung papayag ang punerarya.
Ever tried to give your boss a hint that you want a promotion? This joke will leave you cackling. For non – Filipino readers, here’s the translation.
Employee: Sir, I hope it’s okay that I replace the former manager who just died.
Boss: I’m totally fine with it. But maybe the funeral home won’t allow it.
Flight Stewardess: Do you want a drink, sir?
Sir: What are my choices?
Flight Stewardess: Yes or No.
Filipinos are naturally sarcastic — this is why this joke is a classic. It’s enough to make you laugh on a long and hard day. This joke shows the difference between flying economy and flying business class.
Like father like son
Peter: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!
John: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Peter: Hindi! ‘Yan din ang pangarap niya!
Ever dreamt of being just like your dad? Peter wanted to be like his dad too! To our non – Filipino readers, here’s the joke’s translation.
Peter: My dream in life is to earn 250,000 monthly just like my dad!
John: Wow! Does your dad really earn that much in a month?
Peter: No! That’s also his dream!
The eighteen-year-old mistress
Mrs: Walang hiya ka! May nabalitaan ako! May kabit ka palang eighteen years old, ah!
Mr: Sus! Huli ka na talaga sa balita! Twenty three na siya ngayon!
Has anyone ever cheated on you? We bet you were hurt, but later on found a way to laugh it off, right? If you are still not in that stage yet, hopefully, this joke makes you a tad bit better. To our non – Filipino readers, don’t worry, we’ll still translate this for you so you could laugh along with us!
Mrs: Shame on you! I heard the news about your affair! You have an eighteen-year-old mistress!
Mr: You got the news late! She is now a twenty-three-year-old!
We wish these jokes made your day — because it sure did make ours! If you are not a Filipino, we hope that you learn one thing from us: don’t take life too seriously. Our day to day struggles are hard enough, let’s not make things more difficult for each other. Hopefully, these Filipino classic jokes can help lift and cheer you up! We all deserve to laugh our heads off once in a while.