10 Sure-Fire Ways To Make Flight Attendants Go Insane

Owe it perhaps to greater means to travel, more and more people have packed their essentials in the hopes of getting a good view of foreign lands. Certainly, the Christmas season may be at the heart of all this. The down side though is increasingly, rude behavior in an airlines has caught headlines worldwide.

From the company’s admin as with the case of Korea Airlines to that of the worrisome reports of bad behavior inside Thai Airways or was it just a Thai attendant. Imagine the scenario of being thrown hot water along with a threat to bomb the plane. Commercial flights has certainly become not only the center of many terrorist plots but recently it has become clear that there is a lot of tension that could easily burst out of seated passengers.
Sure-Fire Ways To Make Flight Attendants Go Insane
For the uninitiated, allow me to take you to a little journey. Here are 10 sure-fire ways you can catch the ire of a patient flight attendant. Don’t blame us if you get kicked out of the plane mid-air:

#10: Believing you are God.
Believing you are God.
Ok that may be an extreme way of putting it. But wait till you see how many airline aficionados treat on-flight stewardess. Their attitude smells a lot about bad attitude. It says: “Since I paid for my ticket, I can order you around and whine all I want.”

Hearing that alone should make every Earth citizen cringe. And the POI (points of interest) can be endless. Sounds like:
“This seat is too small.”
“My, this airplane is substard.”

Sir, I’m sorry if your butt is too big to fit in. Well, if you really can’t help it. Why not upgrade to first class?
And yes, need we remind you the plane is already delayed because your fellow passenger could not decide which bottle of vodka to get at the Duty Free shop and was 30 minutes to the bloody gate.

#9: Play it like it’s a PSP

Yup, no worries. Keep pushing that flight attendant call button like there is no tomorrow. Sorry, but there is nobody to help you get your cheats in time for your Plants vs. Zombies II game to prosper.

And in case you forget, international regulations one flight attendant is responsible for about 50 passengers. Wow, a little Math will tell you one could be giving CPR to somebody while you want to get a quick-fix out of the most important game in your life, in your PSP or Android or matchsticks – if that were your cup of tea.

Don’t you have legs? Why don’t you use them? Walk to the nearest galley and be kind enough to ask for what you need. That way you exercise your legs and prevent unnecessary complications over time (e.g., blood clot, cold feet).

#8: Think restaurant.
Think restaurant.
Your beautiful Pinay flight attendant with nice, jet-black, flowing hair just sent notice to you and every Juan on board: “Today, we will have adobo with lemon grass and barbecue pork with potatoes, all with rice. Just let me know which would be best for you?

Wow. You’re given choices. But wait, why not order? Just like in a restaurant.

Now, this is where all hell could break loose. One man turns to the lady attendant and posits, “I am strictly vegan. Do you have broccoli?”

Order, order. First and foremost, a galley on a plane is not a kitchen in one of those posh resto in The Fort. And a commercial plane is no restaurant. No, sir. For heaven’s sake, we do not cook.

But you could actually get around. Just send your request while booking your flight. Next time you fly, I mean.

#7: Ask dumb questions.
Ask dumb questions.
Yup, straight right up. What is this mystery liquid? Is it drinkable? How about this dark water with all the bubbles?
And yes, what city are we passing by right now? Is it Beijing? How do you spell that?
Imagine if every Juan on board PAL starts shooting this question.

Please, gentlemen. The one without color is water. The one bubbling is cola. As in Coca Cola? Have you heard of that one?

And yes, we don’t serve poison. Only potable water. As for the city, we can’t possibly pass Beijing because your flight is only local, from Manila to Cebu.

As for an iPad, we don’t serve one on-flight.

#6: Talk on your smartphone after the plane has left the gate.
Talk on your smartphone after the plane has left the gate.
Ok. Either you’re plain dumb or just naïve. You are supposed to put off your smartphone/tablet. Even if it is a Nokia 5110. Put it off. Because it could make communication with the control tower more challenging that it already is.

I am just gonna walk up to you. I take a serious face. And if you persist make a stern voice saying, “OFF NOW.”
Now, there is no need for me to yell, right? But sometimes, I really have to. So bear in mind.

#5: Letting your kids be.
Letting your kids be.
Things really get blown way out of proportion. Yup, the commercial is equipped with the best equipment, the most beautiful Pinays at your service.

But they are not nannies and there is no way you can just sleep and let them babysit your toddler for you. Or let your tykes rumble around like they are in a playground.

And yes, how about formula, is it allowed?

Ma’am, I am a flight attendant not a school service or nanny-for-hire. You will have to take responsibility for your kids. No, I am not going to lock them up. I am going to bring them into your attention.

#4: Not specifying how you take your coffee and then getting angry when it’s served not as you want it.

Wow! Talk about being in Bo’s Coffee Club or Starbucks. But haven’t you tried ordering there? Don’t you make a quick description on how your coffee goes.

Problem is, some passengers think too much of hi-tech and that airplanes can somehow detect what you want.

Sir, excuse me. Did you just get angry? Would you like your next drink to be gin and tonic stirred with my stilettos?

#3: Taking your shoes off, then clipping your nails.
Taking your shoes off, then clipping your nails.
Ahem. Gross. But people do it. Not many but some do. Must be because they are in a hurry or something. Or they just want to irritate the whole community.

Seriously? Wow! While your feet may be like that of the Golden Buddha and smells glorious like AXE, you should not be in total shock to know nobody wants to see you clip your nails. Especially that neck-tie, laptop-carrying guy beside you.

#2: Doing exercises in the aisles or galley.
Doing exercises in the aisles or galley.
Well, you must be some aspiring yoga guru. But do you have to do all your body convolutions in the galley for everyone to see. With matching humming?

Sir, excuse me. We would like you to remain seated as we are going to serve you the coffee you ordered.

#1: Treating them like trash cans. Handing them Sprite cans full of urine.
Treating them like trash cans. Handing them Sprite cans full of urine.
If not a dirty diaper. A used Kleenex. Wow! Really?

True, it is part of the flight attendant’s job to do some house cleaning, picking empty cups and pretzel wrappers for instance. But pushing the envelope cold be a disaster waiting to happen.

Sir, please, I am not an airline sanitation agent sent from above to collect your trash. Why don’t you take your can of pee and put it back to the mighty bag where you kept it? Or how about going to the comfort room yourself?
You are not psycho, aren’t you? Don’t play games. Our information says 3 ISIS agents are here in the plane. Just kidding!

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